If at first you don’t succeed…try, try again.
It has been…well, awhile. And, ya know what? I’m sorry. I went from updating monthly, to yearly, to…well, just not. I don’t think I have to explain that my son’s cancer diagnosis put fast brakes on my life. Then, the pandemic on top of that. You guys, I have been buried under the cruelest years of my entire life. To sum it all up in one sentence doesn’t seem to do it any justice whatsoever. I have to remember, though, that this blog is about my journey as a nurse. Nevertheless, I am so happy to say that my precious child is cancer free…three years later. And, my kiddo is no longer alone. My husband and I welcomed a sibling earlier this year after the sickest I have ever been in my entire life. Needless to say – he’s nutless, now. Well, he still has nuts, but they’re non-productive. I am DONE!
So, what have I been up to? Last we were together, I think I was heading excitedly away from the CVICU to the CVOR. Well, yeah, I did do that. But, it only lasted 3 months. They started trying to float me to the COVID ICU while my kid was in active treatment with no immune system. I just could not do it. I quit on a Friday and had a new job on a Monday. Enter…my home office:
I really don’t think I could be further away from the bedside today than I was before I became a nurse. That’s right. For the past 2.5 years, I have been working from home writing CE courses for nurses and CNAs. Yep. That is a job. It has its own flexible hours. I travel around all over the place with my laptop. I have unlimited PTO. Yes, dude. UNLIMITED PTO. And yep, I use it. I make more than I did at the bedside (before the call money), and I’m home with both of my babies. It was absolutely perfect for me when my baby was sick, and when the new baby popped up on the scene.
And yet…
Alright. Look, I know I have it all. My hubby, my babies, hell – even my cat. I also have unlimited PTO. I can come and go as I please. My boss is AMAZING, my team is amazing (even though there are a few, well, know-it-alls in nurse education). But, you guys…it hit me when I was going into 2024 from 2023. Just as the ball dropped in Times Square and I thought of the wonderful accomplishments of my family I realized that, while their accomplishments were amazing, I had nothing to say of my own. All of my accomplishments were somehow attached to my children or my husband and supporting them somehow.
Where was I in the mix? What accomplishments did I have to speak of other than surviving the curveballs life threw at us.
It was time to decide where I wanted to be in life. I had zoom calls with NP program directors, I applied, got into, then dropped out of an MSN in Nursing Education program when I found out they were phasing out the degree in 2024. Just – what do I do? Where do I go?
I know I want an advanced degree – but what do I want to do? I was most recently a pediatric nurse, but (honestly) do I like it so much that I want that to be the rest of my life? I know I really want to teach, but what do I want to teach? Peds? OR? What do I do in the meantime, and what would give me the lifestyle I’d like to have for myself and my children.
Then, a tiny voice came out of nowhere, what about Anesthesia school? At first, I ignored it. I’ve been away from the bedside for so long that it seems silly to think I could just go from my house back to school where I can’t work for 3 years. But then…I started asking questions. I asked my old co-workers in the OR of the anesthesia variety, current SRNAs that were once my classmates, and friends who had just graduated the program. Next thing I knew I was knee deep in recommendation letter offers, shadowing experiences and GRE study material.
Looks like to me I am going back to the best job I have ever had…OR Nurse…but, as a new, more affluent entity: CRNA. Sure, it’s going to cost me an arm and a leg. I’m not really going to get to see my family much, and I haven’t been in school in 8 years. But, I am an ICU and OR nurse. I have both adult and peds experience. And the OR is by far my favorite job I have ever had. I talked about it to my husband who is all for it. And so, I began the process and I’ll be applying early next year.
Finally, I’m doing something for me. For once, someone can support ME while I make myself proud of myself!
To be continued…
Hellooo Nurse! 