Posted in on a personal note, The Operating Room

The Two Year Old Nurse…

Hello, friends…

Well, what can I say? It has been quite some time since I have been back to update you on the life of a brand new nurse. So much has happened in a year…so much. First, I sadly must inform you that I am no longer a wife. Yeah, no. I rejoined the pool of singles after ending my 6 year marriage last year. That’s right. I’m a statistic.

But, I stand back up, brush off my skinned knees and move on.

I turn two years old in 23 days. That’s right. I have been a nurse now for two years. I just renewed my license — a CE feat not to shake a stick at. And, as luck would have it, I got to change my name at the same time as license renewal. Two birds, one stone. 🙂

I am again ACLS and BLS certified and I am up for CNOR certification and CLC recertification this year.

So, how has it been?

The OR…well, the OR is an interesting place. I still love it just as much today as I did yesterday, although my zest for actually going to work has dwindled as does everyone’s zest after getting up every morning at 5:45am. One of the things I learned in my two years as being a surgical nurse is that everyone is having sex with everyone. It is unreal how much sex healthcare workers enjoy with one another. Mind-blowing. I reckon 8 – 12 hours in such close quarters with so many different smart and talented people is enough to get anyone randy — especially when we share such a taboo language (blood and guts) with one another. But, holy cow.

Oh, and let’s talk drama. There is soooo much drama. You’d think people had no life outside of their jobs the way they start and peel away drama. For example, there are about 5 females at work fighting right now over someone taking birthday decorations down. I am talking 30 – 40 year old grown ass women fighting – literally fighting – over taking birthday decorations down. I’m not talking the day after the birthday. I’m talking 25 fucking days after the birthday.

Luckily, the new grad I was hired with has the same personality and sense of humor I do. Without her, I would probably go insane. Having said all that…I still love these crazy hyenas I call my co-workers. This is one close family that nobody can deny lol

So, how has my nursing practice changed in 2 years? My confidence is the biggest thing that has changed. I am no longer afraid to challenge doctors or their orders. They’re just people like anybody else. In fact, I have become quite fond of them like you might become fond of a close family friend. I am learning to scrub, which means I am taking my practice to the next level. I’m considering becoming a Nurse Practitioner, but to be honest I am enjoying so much being an RN that I’m a little scared to leave something I love so much to pursue more…

I feel knowledgable. I feel empowered. There is still so much left to learn and I’d love to learn it all, but I’m thrilled to be in a career that offers me so much opportunity without fear of losing my financial stability. My divorce could have crippled me. We have a young child together who is in private school. But, no. It didn’t. Because I am stable.  The opportunities for extra money though call shifts, PRN work or picking up shifts is limitless. The connections are limitless. I am so thankful for my life and most importantly for my smile.

I’m excited to see where the next steps take me…

But for now, I think I’ll enjoy taking Spanish lessons 🙂


Posted in Grad Nurse, Nurse Residency, The Operating Room

Catty Nurses


image compliments of AllNurses.Com

I wish I could say this is an elephant in the room. But, it’s not. Everyone knows that nurses are complete and total assholes to each other. This is not news. But, let me say this…I had no earthly idea that it would happen to me. I know, I know. What an incredibly naive thing to think about oneself. Seriously, though, you guys…I am a very friendly girl who, for the most part, gets along with everyone.

Recently, I was pulled into my NM’s office to be given “some feedback”. While, in her words, I am “doing a great job,” my peers have given feedback that I am “chatty”. I blinked. Wait, I’m sorry. Did you just critique my personality? What does that even mean? How do I take that?

Not one person has told me that my friendly demeanor was a problem, nor that I am not progressing because of it. So, what gives? Why did I find myself in the nurse manager’s office hearing about myself being “inappropriately chatty”. I left her office feeling despondent. I had no idea what to do with that kind of feedback. And, what’s worse, she gave it to me at 11:30 in the morning. I had to go back to work for 4 more hours wondering who in God’s name went behind my back to tell my manager something like that and still do a great job at work for 4 more hours.

I didn’t eat lunch. I spent lunch hiding in the locker room annoyingly going over every single day in the past several weeks trying to figure out what I did that was wrong enough to end up in the manager’s office. I started crying. Not ugly crying — just what the fuck this is so frustrating crying. One of my  (favorite) preceptors found that unfortunate time to walk into the locker room. She immediately asked me what was wrong. I told her. She stopped and said “BB, this is why I told you weeks ago to come in here, just do your job, and go home. Because I knew that the cats would go for the jugular on your bright light”.

You see, several weeks ago my preceptor warned me that the place I am working, while on the surface is very friendly and upbeat, can be back-stabbing and petty most of the time. I didn’t put much stock to it, because I hadn’t experienced it. Everyone was SO nice and encouraging, and I was progressing. But, this week, she proved to be absolutely right. I was completely blind-sided. I took it home with me, vented to my husband, my preschooler, my mom, my educator, my fellow new-grad coworker.

24 hours later, I asked my educator if we could meet with my NM and a few of my preceptors to squash this rumor-mill. One preceptor was available. And so, the meeting began.

10 minutes into the meeting and I am seeing an entirely different nurse than I had known over the past 2 months. Things came out of her mouth in that meeting that were never so much as muttered to me. I couldn’t believe it. Who was she and what had she done with the preceptor I had known over the past several weeks. My rose-colored glasses had come off. THIS, this, is where I work. Now, I see.

That was the most important move I could have ever made for myself. I realized then that the issue was not that I was “chatty” the issue was I was unlike everyone else — hardened, so used to the hustle and bustle of the OR that they feel there is no room to be human. To smile, to give patients their undivided attention, or to treat others in the room as if they are human beings (which they are). I am not Nurse Her. I am Nurse BB, and how I am going to operate is going to be vastly different than her. I received my first Thank You card from a patient recently — a feat that is almost unheard of in the OR because our patients don’t necessarily remember us. A surgeon has requested me to be on his dedicated “team” when he is performing surgeries at our facility. I am doing a good job.

Now that I understood that the problem is not me, but the worn out, disconnected nurses that I work with, I had to deal with the very real fact that their perceptions were now affecting my livelihood by way of performance evaluation and shitty feedback. I let her speak. I listened. I agreed that there were times when I participated in conversations that are better left until after induction, much like waiting to answer a text until after I’m finished driving. But, then, I laid into her, professionally. I have to trust you. I have to trust that every single thing you say to me is the truth and is there to make me  a better nurse. If I can’t trust you to tell me the truth, if I have to keep finding out after you’ve gone behind my back to tell my management, how do I trust that you are a strong teacher? How do I trust that you have my best interest at heart? Her answer? She doesn’t want to scare me away from the OR. Oh, honey. Sweet, sweet, nurse.

YOU do not have that power. You cannot scare me by giving me the tools to be a stronger nurse. I told her never to smile in my face, and then go behind my back to chastise me about something you don’t have the balls to say to my face. Ok, I didn’t use those exact same words, but you know what I mean. She agreed. In the end, I got what I needed out of that meeting. I exchanged my rose-colored glasses for lasik corrected eye-sight; I made it very clear who they were dealing with and what I would NEVER put up with; and, I realized that sweating this was a waste of my time. Soon enough I will be on my own, and my practice will be honed then.

Do I still feel like I am in a great place to work? Yes. Am I going to be a raving bitch to those around me, now? Of course not. Am I going to watch out for myself? Absolutely. Am I going to stop sharing personal things about me? Yes. Because I can’t trust them like I could trust those before me. My trust is going to have to be earned, now.

How are you handling snark in the workplace?

Posted in Grad Nurse, Nurse Residency, The Operating Room

Staying Ahead of the Curve



Well…I am in the throes of my Intraoperative orientation. Man oh man, do I have a lot to learn. Now that I appreciate the fact I’m expected to know all of this and then some, shit is getting real. I find myself writing notes and not really knowing why or what for. So, I’ve decided to chop the days up into tasks that I can manage. Reasonable wins, if you will.

In the OR, you have so so much to keep track of…more than just patient allergies and contraindicated medications. You have their history, the surgical assessment and plan. Their previous surgeries. The equipment that is going to be used in the room. The instruments that are going to be used in the room. The temperaments and preferences of every single person in the room. The warmth of the patient, the vital signs of the patient, the charting, charging, implants and explants. The implant logs. The sterility of the environments. What time a patient was in the room. What time the patient was out of the room. And then, for fuck sake, you had better get that next patient in the room within 15 minutes or ELSE.

It’s unreal guys. It’s seriously unreal. There are hundreds of procedures performed in our OR and we have less than 10 OR suites. Today, I was told that my turnover time took 35 minutes. 35 minutes! That’s forEVER in the OR!!!

Then I realized something really freaking important. I had a preceptor that pretty much just threw me in the pool and said “swim”.  Swim? SWIM!?! I can’t even put on water wings and you want me to swim? How bout we take a sip of water first, my friend. Dip in a toe or something. Swim? You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.

So then I said to myself…I said, “Self. You are a bad ass. But, you kind of suck at this. Let’s make you look more badassy.” And so…I have set out to impress at least once person a day with something I know that they didn’t think I know. The issue I’m having (BIG TIME) both as a new grad and as a new girl on the OR block is EFFICIENCY, PRIORITIZATION, and TIME MANAGEMENT. Basically, I suck at every got damn thing that’s important in nursing. Literally, suck. I feel like every single thing I learned in nursing school has left my brain.

And the real kicker? How the heck do I get faster? How am I supposed to get faster? How do I learn how to circulate, chart at the same time, look up the next patient and both drop off and pick up the next patient all within 15 minutes? How is that possible? For me, it’s only possible by me showing up to work super early and looking up my patients before work starts. And I mean really getting to know my patients. I feel like if I knock that out of my way, the day will go by so much more smoothly and it will cut my turnover time in half – it will help me prepare for my surgeries for the day and it will allow me the time to focus on circulating my cases instead of barely surviving my cases. ESPECIALLY when I have a less than direction-giving preceptor.

All of you new nurses out there…how are you keeping yourself ahead of the learning curve? (wine doesn’t count!)